Culture - less

This year our company Christmas party was graciously held at one of our Indian doctor's home. He and his wife have an absolutely beautiful home expertly decorated with traditional Indian decor. There was an intricately hand-carved teak wood swing, paintings of beautiful, ornately dressed Indian women on wooden canvas, bamboo furniture, and very decorative window dressings.
This made me start wondering what a traditional American's house would look like in India. I am sure there would be a 54 inch television, a machine-carved spool coffee table, dinner bar stools with red padded seats around the table, bean bag chairs for the kids, a trampoline in the backyard, and the traditional painting of dogs playing poker. Oh, and let's not forget the bose stereo.

Letter to Self

Dear Self,
I realize it has been awhile since I have checked in with you. I could use the excuse of having a kid or working on my dissertation, but that would just be a cop-out. Truth is I forgot about you. I know you tried to remind me every morning when I looked in the mirror. You also sent me these not so cherished reminders once monthly (I could do without those you know). And then there was the time when I twisted my ankle on the trampoline and you didn't let it heal for 4 weeks just to prove that I was 40. But, still I ignored you. For this I am sorry. Fortunately, I made several deposits in your bank earlier in life. All those long evening hours of running actually paid off. But, I figure my savings account is about depleted. So as you have noticed, I started making deposits again last month. I would also ask that you take into consideration that my life carrier lost some baggage.
I truly appreciate your patience with me while I blitzed out for the past 4 years.
Oh and by the way, I figure you should be privy to my new bucket list. You are a little bit vital to my ability to engage in these activities.
1. explore a pyramid
2. run another 5k and then we can talk about a 10K
3. see an active volcano
4. spend 3 days on an isolated Caribbean island with no electronic communication
5. finish my book
6. Find a love so consuming that I forget to breath

This is probably enough for now. But, we still have more than 1/2 of a lifetime together and I am sure I will set more and higher goals for us. You know me, always looking to improve and gain knowledge.
Thanks for all you do self.
Your the best

Before Briley

Before Briley;

I slept in on the weekends;

I went to bed at midnight;

I styled my hair;

I could take a hot bath, alone;

I never dreamed of spending more on quality education than my mortgage;

I didn't dance like a goober every night.... okay, maybe I did



Before Briley;

I didn't understand sacrificing everything to see him smile and hear his heart stopping laugh;

I never thought hearing him cry would break my heart and make me cry;

I never stayed awake all night watching someone else sleep;

I never imagined I would fall so deeply in love with a boy;

I never knew what unconditional love was.



Before Briley;

I had several colossal failures in relationships;



I got this one right.

Finals, finally, and final

My class went well this semester. However, I had several struggling students at the end of the semester. So, I spent a great deal of time reviewing material with the class for the final. After 3 long hours, I felt fairly confident the students were on the right track. However I was headed for finals hell. I had my first academic catastrophe. After working on a comprehensive, fair final for over a week, I downloaded the product and presented it to the class. After approx 15 minutes, someone asks, "Where are questions 15 - 30?" Then a little later, "Why are there two questions 42, 43, and 44?" I had erroneously copied the rough draft of the final. Subsequently the students earned 18 free questions and I earned a really red face.

Sudafed impossiblities

Acquiring sudafed these days is quite difficult.
This morning I awoke with green buggers invading my every pore. On my way to work, I drove by my local pharmacy to acquire some Sudafed, or so I thought. After I was finger printed, drug tested, photographed, and lie detector tested, I was able to purchase the product.
I have a feeling it would have been easier to purchase cocaine.
All this and it doesn't seem like the use of methamphetamines has decreased any at all. hmm.

Text Messaging

I consider myself hip to the times. Of course, I am sooo wrong. I was paying my bills the other day, online of course (remember I am up to date on technology,) and ran into a problem when my cell phone company had reset my password to my online account. I called them to inquire about this, and they text messaged me my new password. I proceeded to enter this password, but got a message of "access denied." I called twice more with the same results. Finally, on the fourth call, the young man asked me exactly what number I was entering as my temporary password. When I informed him of the number, he said, "No mam, that is the identification number that tells you there is a text message." Did you know you have to open those little text messages. I have just thought for the past year that my phone was screwed up and wasn't receiving the messages correctly.
A few days later, I received a text with the following:
PU ICE ATM.
Now I was pretty sure the sender had lost her mind because ATMs don't serve ice. But, I figured that she simply had great insight into me and realized that I never carry cash and hate to ring my credit card through at a store for things of such small amount. Therefore, she was simply telling me to go to the ATM, get some money, and pick up some ice on my way home. This I proceeded to do.
Man was I ever in hot water when she called me a short while later.
You see, the message was: Pick me up at this minute!

Yip, I have fallen off of the technology train.

Dog mornings

Normal

One of the most common questions I get as a psychotherapist is "What is normal?"
Like all good therapists, my response is "What do you think normal is?"
Actually, this should be my response (or the university told me so), but I have problems with following directions or advice. So, instead I have done what every good procrastinator does and replied with, "Let me think about that and get back to you."
4 months later
I finally got around to looking up the definition in Meriam Webster:
1: Perpendicular. Huh? this is a mathematical term that means to intersect something at a 90 degree angle. Now if I am walking with someone, I definitely hope they are abnormal.
2: according with, constituting, or not deviating from a norm. I don't know about others, but I was taught never to use the word one is defining in the definition. Merriam, Merriam, shame on you.
3. Occurring naturally. Hum, now what is natural? This is a whole different blog.
4. Sane. Ditto

Merriam, I give you an F.

Normal as defined by me (Yes, this definition has been nominated for a Pulitzer prize):
Without
ex: When referring to Jay Leno: without a chin which is larger than one's forehead.

My life